


Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space

by greyjoying



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, Bisexuality, F/F, M/M, Meteorstuck, Quadrant Confusion, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-03 15:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6615580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greyjoying/pseuds/greyjoying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(announcer voice) Are you looking for a slow burn davekat fic full of WACKY METEOR HIJINKS and EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT with a sprinkling of BADLY FORMATTED PESTERLOGS......then you've come to the right place!!!!</p><p>Dave has a sexuality crisis, Karkat has a Dave crisis, and everyone else puts up with this shit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. paper + clocks

You are Karkat Vantas, and you are very cold. 

If it was just that, the cold, maybe it wouldn't be so bad. But it's the monotony of it, waking up each day to not a sharp, blistering wind, but a dull chill that has settled in your bones and refuses to budge. You don't remember it being this cold before, not when there was twelve of you here. You wonder if that has something to do with it - you've halved your number now, and without Nepeta's constant purring, or Sollux's lisped insults, or even Eridan's wallowing (so bathed in self pity it almost matched you own) the place doesn't just seem colder, it's also quieter. Sure, you can still hear Terezi's cackle from three floors up, but otherwise the lab is big enough that you rarely hear anyone. 

Part of the blame for this is probably on you. You're holed up in the ectobiology lab now, broken glass crunching under your strut pods if you get too careless with where you're walking. You come to a stop, dead in the center of the room. You tip your head back, and listen. Nothing, but the dull rhythmic clunking of pipes.

You suddenly feel very alone. 

You guess it's not their fault. Terezi and Vriska have been keeping to themselves lately, heads bowed together as they 'C4HOOT', whatever hellish nonsense that implies. Kanaya, rarely loud unless she is heading towards someone with a chainsaw, has all but disappeared into the library with Rose. Rose...seems nice to Kanaya at least, and talks in a soft but clear voice, as if she has thoroughly considered every word before it leaves her lips. She would probably be good to talk to, if you cared even the smallest of smidgens about the game, which you don't. Still, she is pleasantly unlike her ectobrother. 

As for Dave you don't know what to think of him. Smug, Stoic, infuriating - you can see why Terezi likes him. His only imput into any situation is to stand about, hands in ridiculous godtier pajama pockets, wryly commenting at anything he deems 'wacky troll shenanigans', as if his entire race wasn't made up stunningly idiotic beings such as himself. For this alone you'd be prepared to write him off as someone devoid of any potential for meaningful interaction, but you can't deny there is something vaguely entertaining about his tragic ramblings. Even if you won't ever say this to his face. His ability to calculate the exact thing that will make your blood boil the most and then toss is into the ring with that slow, drawling, enraging accent is on some level exciting. Sure, he plays it off like he doesn't care at all but every so often you think you see a flash in his eyes under those tacky god-awful shades, a quirk of his lips. It should piss you off he's looking for a reaction, and sure it does, but it pisses you off in a way that makes you want to put your hands all over him, to tug at his hair and rip his stupid hood to tatters. Sometimes, in moments like this, where you can't remember the last time you had even the barest physical contact with anyone (Last week? Kanaya put a hand on your shoulder maybe? Or Terezi shouldering you in the corridor? Does that count? How sad are you if that counts?) you find yourself picturing you and Strider on the floor, shades ripped off, scrapping with each other. 

Fuck, look at yourself. You should be over this fucking tragic circus parade of desperation for these humans. John didn't want anything to do with you in that quadrant, and Jade sure as hell wasn't interested in you. You aren't 5 sweeps anymore, you need to grow the fuck up. You're going to end up worse than Eridan. And the last time you saw him he was in two pieces.

You are well into completing your cycle of self pity for that day, earning yourself another self pity trophy for your cabinet, when your computer pings. You blink in confusion. No one ever bothers to contact you anymore. You hope it's one of your dead friends harassing you from the past. Or maybe Gamzee with another shitload of terrifyingly crazed blabberings. Or even a future self you can have another soul destroying argument with. Whoopee!

To your surprise it's none of these people.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: sup  
TG: wanna hang  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK.  
CG: FIRST OF ALL, DO NOT ‘SUP’ ME, YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS FORSAKEN PILE OF SHIT OF A METEOR WHAT’S UP. FUCKING NOTHING, THAT’S WHAT. WE ARE CURRENTLY HURTLING THROUGH THE COLD CONFINES OF PARADOX SPACE, WAITING TO ARRIVE AT SOME BULLSHIT MYSTERIOUS DESTINATION AND TRYING TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT DEATH IS SO CLOSE TO US IT MIGHT AS WELL BE STANDING ON OUR STRUT PODS.  
CG: SECOND OF ALL WHY, OUT OF NOT ONLY ALL OF US HERE BUT THE MILLIONS OF ALTERNATE TIMELINE AND DEAD SELVES WE HAVE RUNNING AROUND, DID YOU CHOOSE TO SEND THIS MESSAGE TO ME OF ALL PEOPLE? IS YOUR THINKPAN COMPLETELY FRIED?  
CG: AND NO, I DO NOT WANT TO ‘HANG’ WITH YOU, UNLESS BY ‘HANG’ YOU MEAN TYING A ROPE AROUND MY NECK AND DYING VIA THE SWEET RELIEF OF ASPHYXIATION, IN WHICH CASE I WILL AGREE TO ON THE BASIS THAT IT WOULD BE MORE BEARABLE THAN ONE MORE SECOND BREATHING THE SAME AIR AS YOU.  
TG: cool  
TG: see you at cantown central in ten  
CG: WHAT

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CG: AGSHJDKFGMGSGHDJFKG  
CG: FUCK YOU STRIDER

You slam your hands on the keys, then on your face. Then, you wait exactly 13 minutes just to be an asshole and stomp off towards the nearest transportalizer.


	2. cans + cardboard

Dave doesn’t even bother to look up when you arrive. Instead, he pretends to be intensely focused on stacking a set of cans on top of each other without toppling them. The smug bastard, he’s obviously ignoring you on purpose. This happens to be extra irritating as you were taking great effort to stomp as loudly as possible on your way down the corridor. You did in fact manage to attract the attention of the little carapace sat next to dave of course, and he tugs on dave’s hood, pointing at you. 

Oh great. Even fucking Dave ‘too cool for emotions’ Strider has a friend. Sure, he’s a carapace who’s not a fan of talking, but still. Is there any way you could feel any more pathetic? 

Dave, who still isn't looking at you , finally gives up on balancing his can tower. You watch his hands fly up in mock despair as cans tumble onto the floor. 

“Well?” You ask, arms folded. 

Dave clears his throat. “Dude. You are standing on downtown Can town. Now get your ass over to Can town Central and help me rebuild this before the news crews get a hold of this and cut our budget funding”

Can town Central is helpfully located no less than ten seconds of anyway in Can town, by virtue of Can town being a fucking miniature town. You attempt to negotiate the floor without losing your balance, which is harder than it looks considering the place is covered in all sorts of random junk. 

“Why are you doing this?” You ask, narrowly avoiding knocking over some kind of library-looking type building. 

Dave shrugs. “Not much else to do.”

“And why did you decide to harass me into coming up here?” 

Dave shrugs again. “No one else to harass”

“I call bullshit, Strider.” You snarl.

“Bullshit couldn't pay the phone bill, it’s service got cut like a week ago”

“I cannot be the only person you talk to on this meteor.” You wrack your brains. “Where’s Terezi, huh? You can’t tell me she didn’t draw all these hanging pyralspites.” You point accusingly at the chalk coating the walls where a certain someone’s garish depictions of those soft plush toys are plain to see. 

Dave gives the walls a dismissive glance - (you think. Again it’s hard to tell when his dumb face is permanently masked with those things) - and then focuses back on the disaster zone of Can town. 

“Yeah, she was about. She clocked in her hours, did her time, built up the community center for the little can kids then fucked off to hang out with Spiders Mcspider chick.”

You get the feeling Dave doesn’t have a lot of time for Vriska. Then you mentally kick yourself for accidentally making that pun. At least you didn’t say it outloud.

“First of all dude, nice pun”

Shit. You did say it outloud. You grimace, whether at yourself or Dave you can’t tell anymore.

“Second of all-” Dave continues. Oh no no no no no. You are stopping him right there.

“Second of all there we be no second of all! In fact, there should never have been a first of all either! Which makes what I’m saying right now the first of all in fact! And what I am saying, no. What I am decreeing right now is the first of anything ever said between us. What we are going to do is sit here for the next however the fuck long, in complete blissful and uninterrupted silence, and work on Can Town without getting into any discussions that could even lead to something bordering on emotional significance!”

You swear you see Dave’s lips quirk up, and rush to spit your words out even faster. “I am not doing this for you! But for the Mayor.” You gesture at the carapace, who gives a thankful and undeniably adorable nod. 

“So. Those are my terms. Accept them, or the next thing you are going to see is my ass moving in the opposite direction from you.” You point at Dave.

There’s a long silence. “Dude,” says Dave. “Could you have worded that last bit any gayer?”

“What did I say about talking, Strider?” 

You slam yourself down rather violently, sending several cans shaking, which you allow yourself to feel smug about until you see the Mayor’s worried reaction. 

“Sorry.” You blurt out before you can stop yourself.

“S’cool.” Answers Dave.

You go from zero to a hundred in two seconds. “I CLEARLY wasn’t talking to you!” Wow, you need to calm down. A word and a half out of him and you can feel yourself to fly off the handle. This would be bordering on traumatic levels of embarrassment if anyone else with such a fine grip of romance as you was here to point it out. You are thankful for the first time in a long time that all your former friends have decided to exit the Karkat Vantas Friendship Zone. They were only doing themselves a disservice anyway.

You try your hand at some architecture yourself. You should be good at it after all. Building things is pretty much what your entire universe raised you for, right? You fumble with some cans and force them into a sort of hive shape. Next, you fold a piece of cardboard that came from fuck knows where in two, and attempt to balance it on top of the cans without it falling over. 

15 attempts later the cardboard still won’t stay. You stare at it in despair. Great, now not only are you a failure socially and universally, apparently you also suck at building things. Why of all trolls were you meant to play Sgrub again? Was this neverending failure preordained from the creation of your universe? Was your constant sucking at everything written in the stars?

A hand shoots across your vision and plucks the slumping cardboard off the top of your miniature hive. 

“Dude, this is fine. You just gotta flip it turnways.” 

You watch Dave unfold your cardboard and then fold it along its width instead. He lays it on top of your hive and you both stare at it. This time it stays upright.

“Structural dynamics, yo” He makes some sort of clicking sound, which may be accompanied with a wink. You can’t actually tell. You think there also may be some vague finger gun movements. Atrocious. 

“Gee! Golly! Thanks!” You hiss, voice dripping so much sarcasm there may as well be a river of it running from your mouth to the floor. “That’s exactly what I need! Someone to help me do even the simplest of tasks because I am clearly soooooo fucking incompetent! What can you do next for me Dave? Hold my hand as we cross the road? Slime me up in my recuperacoon?”

You suddenly realize you are standing with your fists clenched, though you don’t quite remember how you got here. Dave stands, one palm raised, like he’s about to pap you.

“Dude what the fuck. No need to be so defensive?”

“Oh, I’m defensive?” You let out a bitter laugh. “This coming from the dude whose every action is a defense mechanism?” 

“Uh, what?” Asks Dave, the hand falling to his side.

“Even I, a total outsider to your species can tell! The ‘I’m too cool for emotions’ act, the shitty reflective glasses, the fact you need to make everything into a federal fucking joke!”

You take another step closer, and you're so close now you think you can actually make out his eyes under his shades. You think he’s glaring at you.

“Why do you think you’re all the way up here, with no one to talk to but Karkat Incompetent Vantas?” You ask, voice lowered, as if you are departing some vital secret.

“Nobody likes me, but they don’t like you either. We are. Exactly. The. Same.”

You stand there, frozen. Your hand is practically twitching, it’s so desperate to make a real, meaningful connection with Strider’s face. Dave is shaking too, his hands clenched. Your heart is hammering so loud it’s in your ears.

Then, you feel something pulling on your pant’s leg. You tilt your head down, probably not the smartest move in a stand off, and catch sight of the mayor tugging at both you and Dave’s clothes.

You can’t be sure but you think he looks…..mad.

The Mayor scowls, possibly, and then makes a number of hand gestures. You watch, stunned. Then, the Mayor incorporates head shaking into it. You are almost sure you even saw a finger waggle.

“But-” You open your mouth to say, slightly dazed. The Mayor gestures at you wildly. You find yourself closing your mouth.

“Guess the Mayor doesn’t like fighting.” Dave says quietly. It’s the first words he’s said since you flew off the handle at him. He doesn’t sound mad. You sneak a glance at him. He doesn’t look mad either. 

You look at his sagging shoulders and all he looks to you is very, very tired. 

Now, that’s a feeling you can relate to.

The silence is broken by a suddenly very loud and unpleasant scratching noise.

“Attention every8ody!!!!!!!” 

You both wince as you somehow hear the number of exclamation marks. Great, it’s Vriska. Misusing the gramophone. Again.

“Get your asses down to the library eighthwith. That’s like forthwith, but with 8s! It’s time for….” 

You hear a long intake of breath.

“A STR8T8GY MEETING!” 

You groan, and beside you Dave buries his face in his hands.

Oh God.


	3. fridges + fuckwits

The fight seems to have gone out of you both now, leaving a heavy silence and a dull twinge of embarrassment as it’s only legacy. 

Dave scratches the back of his neck, and then lets out the smallest of sighs. “D’ya think we can skip it?”

You blink, slightly surprised. You were not sure what you were expecting Dave to say after you unleashed a torrent of shit on him, with a family of projected self hate sailing down it on a kanoo, but you were definitely not prepared for him to be nice.

“Not unless you also want locked in a meal vault,” You turn away from him and set towards the transportalizer as fast as you possibly can without breaking into a run. You leap onto it, and without waiting for him zap yourself downstairs into the library. 

“Hey Karkaaaaaaaat!,” Terezi grins at you, practically already drooling as the smell of you, and most specifically your 'D3L1GHTFULLY SC3NT3D' blood .

You can’t help but count silently how many a’s she used there, and you grimace to yourself. You have no idea why Terezi still insists inserting herself into Vriska’s bullshit, like you are both standing at the edge of a lake of clearly labelled BAD AND NEFARIOUS BULLSHIT and Terezi just dives right in. Probably later she will turn up, practically dripping BAD NEFARIOUS BULLSHIT and looking shamefaced. Well no, this time, you are not going to pat her back and hand her a towel from Equius’ stash and pretend like it’s all ok. 

You are in fact just about to say something along these lines to Terezi when you feel a sudden movement beside you, and turn to find yourself almost standing on Dave. You stumble back, strut pods tripping over each other, arms thrown back. It is unbearably embarrassing.

“Woah there, Maplehorn,” Dave reaches out to grab your arms, steadying you. While he has effectively saved you from eating some of that delicious laboratory floor, being clasped in Strider’s sweaty meat paws for balance like two lovers in a storm is somehow even worse, and you shove him away as fast as physically possible. It would probably be even faster if you were the one with the time powers. 

“What the hell was that?! Why in your tiny, human think pan did you decide that transportalizing ONTO me was a good idea.”

“I was RIGHT behind you dude. You knew I was behind you. Where did you think I was going? Not exactly like I was about to walk out the lab, off the meteor, and then olly out into paradox space, was I?”

This is a frustratingly good point, and if you hadn’t already spent a significant amount of your time for that day suffering Dave’s company, you may have queued up a biting insult you jab at him in an act of verbal parrying. However, you are tired as it is, so instead you just glare. Everyone knows you are very good at glaring, even if Terezi thinks it’s ‘4DOR4BL3’. 

“Well, that was a very impressive display of acrobatics there, Karkat.” Rose smirks at you, placing her book down on the table where she is standing along with Kanaya.

Oh Good! More people are here to see your shame! You are starting to regret coming. Maybe the meat safe would have been a better place for you. Despite the fact Gamzee was already in it. The thought of you and Gamzee in a small enclosed space makes you gulp. 

Ok, maybe you can put up with these snarky broads and the caped douchenozzle over there.

“Oh, everyone already followed my orders! That’s what I like to see.”

Vriska grins at you all from the transportalizer, a stack of paper tucked under her arm.

You change your mind. You and Gamzee in the meat safe sounds great.

“And that’s what I like to smell!” Adds Terezi, grinning. It takes all your willpower not to roll your eyes. Since that unfortunate incident where John had made a somewhat inappropriately timed appearance just long enough to punch Vriska in the face and for you to make an utter fool of yourself, the scourge sisters seem to have had a family reunion. It would be almost unbearable to see the two so close if you weren’t even vaguely the tiniest bit happy for Terezi. And a whole lot pissed.

“I don’t see why we should be listening, smelling or otherwise engaging our senses with you!” You manage to announce through gritted teeth. “As far as facts go I’m still official leader.”

“Good point, Karkat!” Vriska smiles, horrifically. “If only you actually acted like a leader instead of moping about the place mourning those sadsacks.”

“Friends.” Your hands are balled into fists. “They were our friends, asshole! An yeah, now some of them do happen to be sad sacks of flesh but thats because somebody either going by the name Eridan, Vriska, or Gamzee killed them!”

You hear a polite cough from behind you. “I was actually the one who dealt with Eridan.” 

You rub your face. 

“Yes, Kanaya with the Chainsaw! A perfect Trluedo answer right fucking there! You know what, I’ve change my mind. I renounce the leadership and formally invite you to all go fuck yourselves.”

You turn to Vriska. “Best of luck in stopping the rest of us from killing each other! Then again, you do happen to have all the luck, how could I forget! It’s not like you remind us every second of the day, despite the last lucky thing I saw happen to you was John randomly decking you for some reason nobody quite knows, and then zapping out of reality! Boy, that sure was lucky! Fetch me my lucky charms right now!”

You stop, breathing heavily. Shit. You slightly forgot what that rant was originally about. Something important? Oh right, you quit being leader. 

Everyone is suddenly staring at you with expression that ranged from concerned (Kanaya) to smug (Vriska) and unfathomable (Dave).

Well. Deep swallow. Your brains flails frantically for a lever to pull labelled NEXT COURSE OF ACTION, and lands on the one urging you to flee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, exams happened which were terrible and then I managed to write myself into a wall, which you should never do, especially not on a third chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first serious fic ever wha t the fuc k am i doing please be gentle


End file.
